I was raised in a Christian home but never really took to the whole religious thing as a kid. To me, there were too many things that didn’t make sense and all those unanswered questions turned me off. Sure, I believed in God growing up, and feared Hell, but didn’t follow the Biblical mandates nor even think twice about the potential consequences for that decision.
When I went to prison, I refused to be one of the frauds who pretended to find God, becoming a Bible thumper out of fear; but since I still believed in God and got involved with the standard racial elements of prison, I started to study Christian Identity. This was white power Christianity and part of my journey to becoming who I am now but anyone who reads my blog knows that I left this all behind for reasons I’ve spoken on before. The reason I bring this up is because part of Christian Identity is studying the original Hebrew Old Testament and Greek New Testament, which reveals a Bible far different than modern preachers portray it. I’ll touch on this more in Part 2, but for now, all I’m going to say about it is that the original manuscripts have no contradictions but it also makes it something that I refuse to participate in.
Christians claim that the Bible was written by God through man, but if that’s the case, wouldn’t all versions be the same? Instead, the entire history of the Bible shows nothing but constant errors in translations and many of the books found to be inconsistent with Constantine’s church doctrines.were banned from the Bible. Between the banned books and mis-translations, religion is made into whatever a church wants it to be and proof of that is all the different denominations. If the Bible was divinely inspired, there would be one version and one denomination. The Bible is clearly homophobic and sexist but modern Churches sin to be politically correct,yet admit, through action, that they feel their God is wrong. So how can any rational person take religion seriously?
Preachers teach us that God wants us to hate all worldly things (life itself) and to deprive ourselves of our psychological needs. Sexual release and seeking to achieve one’s highest potential are two requirements for true happiness but we’re taught that lust and success are sins; or basically, that happiness is a sin. The Biblical “sin” doesn’t come in the form of action, but the thought itself; yet, it’s all set up so that no matter what, everyone sins. When a Christian strives to be a true Christian, they start to hate themselves, because no matter how hard they try, they can never be what the Bible says they should be. For the most part, that self-loathing is subconscious and reveals itself through insecurity which leads to two paths: self-destructive rebellion or self-righteous extremism to overcompensate for what one feels he/she lacks. Heaven is dangled like a carrot on the stick to keep the sheep towing the line but I discovered through experience that happiness comes with balance rather than Hedonism or self-deprivation. So I chose to walk away from religion and decided that even if there is a God, I’d be willing to face the consequences for that decision. Religion is anti-happiness so I’m anti-religion.
I started to see how religion is used to give strength but I found that true strength came from within so I felt it weak to need to rely on external elements for it. I saw the key to happiness as being your best mentally, physically and emotionally while satisfying physical and psychological needs in a balanced manner. I no longer cared that I sinned, I was being myself and that was very liberating. The further I broke away, the more I began to not even believe in a God, period, since believing in anything without proof was irrational. There’s more proof of Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny than of God but somehow I was supposed to deprive myself of happiness for this unproven entity and promises.
I’m now a better person as an Atheist since I’m truly at peace and I love myself. Since I seek to be my best at all times, everyone around me pushes themselves harder and the fruits of my labors affect others in positive ways. I commit kind acts because I feel it’s the best thing to do, NOT because I want God to approve. I live by my rules so I set my own path. I don’t care what others choose to believe but I’m Atheist and happy.